A flash of light sparks fire in his eyes. Waves crash
over him, drowning
him in
silence. Sinking like an anchor unable
to chase the storm. A broken mast left
in the path of her destruction, like a tornado chasing the
whisper
of the wind. Trembling hands catch the surge of rain as he
falls
to his knees,
thunder shaking his bones. His lungs overflow with water and his heart
cracks like ice. Pain
thrusts him into rocks, pinning him to depths
of devastation. The
glow of despair reflects off the ocean
like a lighthouse
warning sailors, “Go Away.”
Ok, good. The flow of darkness through the abyss. But don't let the images of pain etc become mannered, or get too one-sidedly dramatic. The FLOW of words really is fine.
ReplyDeleteTry to mix things up, allow the quotidian
and less "pinning him to the depths." Some daylight as contrast to heighten the darkness/pain